Oh God, well. Yes, I’ve been gone from the particular internet interface for a few months and instead writing moodily in my diary but I guess better late than never applies to blogging as well.
I appreciate positive feedback, in a rather pathetic way, though I’m working on not giving a fuc* (see not quite there yet, but close!) a little more often. So, here I am despite irritating personal advices that I invariably receive from beloved non-strangers concerning my writing temperament, exaggerated opinions and potentially poor life decisions (part of the reason I’ve been so unenthused about it lately too, ‘spose). Not to mention my talented ability to harass my own ego.
Also, I got this horrid thing called a real job. It requires heaps of time, thinking, making marginal amounts of money, seemingly stressful decision making, and sometimes people getting upset at me, and honestly(!) I have my feelings hurt enough getting honked at in traffic. It’s at an MMA gym at which I have been training Brazilian Jui Jitsu since moving to LA (…) and have a variety of ties (vaguely speaking). However, in ways it is exactly what I was looking for because since graduation I have a very real sense of anxiety about being a very old Los Angeles diner waitress/dis-inspiring actress and I’m really rather fragile. Plus I am learning some pretty neat-o things so I shan’t complain more than I already have in the last paragraph.
Furthermore, I’ve been acting. Nothing fancy, but stuff. Real live stuff! Music videos, short movies, and directors reels, mostly (also exclusively), but crazy thing is I’ve actually been booking them all by myself, like a really good ratio of them. And sometimes they pay me. I go in, shake a hand, I enunciate almost all of my words, sometimes I say something suave, and then I act. I feel emotions and sometimes impress people. I’ve booked work where I’ve had my lover die, grown tired of my lover and I am just smitten to dickens with my lover. I’ve played an alter-ego, “a rich girl driving a Mercedes G wagon” in a tube top (seriously though that was the character description), and a woman who is in love with beards, but not the people who inhabit them. I’m kinda good. I even cried repeatedly on cue and had the director refer to me as “an actress of your caliber” in a personal thank you letter, post-production. I mean that’s practically like the worlds most miniature Oscar (as you may have noticed I frequent between the states of painful self deprecation and elusions of grandeur). And while I have you here, I’ve let you know another thing! I’ve had TWO referrals from projects I worked on last month. Although one was for an “erotic romance horror movie” which unless its a movie about adorably horny teething piranhas, sounds an awful lot like porn…. ahh Hollywood :]. Don’t worry, I declined!!!
I’m allergic to piranhas.
Peace and plants,
Kelsie
newyorktohollywood 
I though the word was illusions? Looked up elusions – derived from elude (to escape, avoid – usually the law – or understanding – baffled) so could be deliberate, a clever double entendre?? But rather above my head. Very good to get the blog and know that you are out there punching. Also that you keeping your journal. I hope finding time for sketching too. Please add David to your blog recipiant list. He now clears his own e-mail and replies directly to the sender; unless I have forwarded the e-mail to him – in which case he replies to me! One step at a time. MUCH love as always – and to Yogi XXXN
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